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本帖最后由 puravidaXH 于 2013-7-13 16:29 编辑
前言：
这篇讲课记录是根据我在美国各地巡回讲座的录音翻译整理的。
每次讲座后，都会有很多美国大叔大妈激动得热泪盈眶，激动地和我握手拥抱。
他们都说：蒲老师，您讲得实在是太好了。我这辈子都没去过星巴克，就是因为
不知道他们在说些什么。
希望这次译成中文后，广大说中文的朋友们能从中受惠。
如何在星巴克点咖啡
蒲必达
各位来宾，下午好！
我知道当你们看到我，听我讲话，心里一定在嘀咕：一个外国人，操着一口不熟
练的英语，来教我们美国人怎么在我们自己的品牌店里怎么点咖啡，你有没有搞
错？也许你可以告诉我们如何点北京烤鸭更合适！
我知道你们的英语都比我说得溜，但你们会说另外一种语言吗？这种语言叫做 -
星巴克语（Starbuckish）？
我研究咖啡纯属意外。我本人不喝咖啡。咖啡是不是我的那杯茶 (Coffee is not
my cup of tea)。可是有一年过节，我收到老板给我的星巴克礼品卡。这让我真
的很担心。这是提醒我在工作时不该打瞌睡，还是给我的遣散费？
我的美国朋友告诉我：哥们，别担心了，我们美国人还没有学会这种微妙的沟通
方式。去吧，免费品尝一下我们的美国文化。
我就信心百倍地去了星巴克店。为啥我这么自信？因为我在英语课里学过怎么点
咖啡。我带着伦敦口音字正腔圆地对柜台服务员讲:"先生，好肚有肚？给我一杯
咖啡可好？” 我们的对话就这样开始了：
服务员：没问题，您今儿可是来对地方了。多大的杯呢？
我： 小杯。
服务员：抱歉，我们没有小杯。
我： 那就给我一大杯。
服务员：我们也没有大杯。
我： 那你们有什麽？
服务员：这个不丁点的是矮杯，而这稍大一点的呢是高杯。如果你要小杯，我们
就给你高杯。
我： 您的意思是，一杯咖啡，对顾客来说是一小杯，对顾客服务来却说是一
大杯？
服务员：不是。大杯在我们这里叫超大杯(Grande)。
我： 哦，我明白了。超大杯才是真正的大杯？
服务员：也不对，我们还有更大的杯叫喷嚏(Vinti)。
我： 啊？喷嚏是什麽？
服务员：唉，喷嚏就是二十，二十就是喷嚏，你的明白？（Vinte is twenty,
and twenty is vinte. You understande? 您瞧，在星巴克上一段班后，
英语都不会说了）。现在请告诉我，你要那种咖啡？
我： 那种咖啡？我就想要杯子里的东西(the thing in the cup)。
服务员：杯子里的东西？我们肯定没有这种咖啡。我们所有的咖啡的名字都以元
音结尾。我们有浓缩(Espresso)，玛琪朵(Macciato)，美式(Americano)，
卡布奇诺(Cappuccino)，康保蓝(Con Panna)，摩卡(Mocha)，拿铁(Latte),
等等。看看菜单，然后告诉我你想要什麽？
我盯著菜单看了很长一段时间後问：“那些名字怪怪的咖啡，都什麽的区别？”
你看，我的英语也变得不会说了。
“他们的区别嘛，我的朋友，这话说起来，就像你身后的队那么长。据我的经验，
那些焦急地等待著咖啡的人情绪不是很稳定。为了您的人身安全，能不能先让我
照顾一下那些知道怎么点咖啡的人？”
于是我就光荣地从队伍中退役了。但是，这给了我一个机会来观察其他人怎么点
咖啡。
一位男士说：
“给我一个高杯，双份，无脂，超幹的卡布奇诺” (Tall, Double, non-fat, extra-dry,
cappuccino）
一位女士说：
“我要一个超大杯，四份分割，一半瘦，一半百分之一，无奶油的拿铁咖啡” (Grande,
quad split, half skinny, half one percent, no whip, cafe latte)
真是太酷了！这哪里是在点咖啡啊，这分明在行使宪法第一修正案所赋予的权利 。
我迫切地想学习这门语言。我又回到了学校，选修了咖啡101咖啡102，和为其先
决条件的意大利语。然後我回来星巴克完成了实习训练。
今天，我给大家开一个一个怎么点咖啡的速成班。
首先，你要熟悉不同的饮料。
最基本的咖啡是浓缩咖啡，原意是挤压的意思。这个名字来源於咖啡的制造过程 。
请问你是不是得压下一个按钮，才能得到你的咖啡？
浓缩咖啡的起源记录在约翰圣福音第一章，第一到第三节：
太初有浓缩
浓缩与咖啡同在
浓缩就是咖啡
通过浓缩，所有咖啡都能做出来
没有浓缩，就不会做出已经做出来的咖啡
几行下来，约翰预言：
将有一个公司从西雅图开始
它的名字应该叫星巴克
它是作为證人见證咖啡
以至通过它所有的人可以喝到咖啡
约翰说得太好了，但我加一些东西。
如果往浓缩咖啡中，加入牛奶泡沫，就成了浓缩玛奇朵。如果往浓缩咖啡中，加
入奶油，就成了浓缩康保蓝。
但如果往浓缩咖啡中加一些热水呢，它应该叫稀释咖啡，或者“地路易都”（diluido)
吧？但你在星巴克的菜单看不到这个名字，营销部门管它叫美式咖啡。
莎士比亚曾经说过：如果给咖啡起个好名字，闻起来会更甜。但星巴克已经把莎
氏定理发扬光大：
咖啡名字结尾是o
人们会go（去）
咖啡名字结尾是a
人们会pay（付钱）
卡布奇诺是另一种大家喜欢的咖啡。标準的卡布奇诺是由同等份额的咖啡，牛奶 ，
和泡沫组成。你如果多加一些牛奶，就成了湿卡布奇诺。要是多加一些泡沫呢，
就成了干卡布奇诺。但我可以向你保证，干卡布其诺还是液体，你不需要动筷子。
在意大利语中，卡布奇诺由两个字组成，“卡布”和“奇诺”。“卡布”就是“杯”的意
思，“奇诺”呢，是“小”的意思。所以合在一起卡布奇诺原意就是“小杯”。但在星
巴克，你可以点一超大杯卡布奇诺，也就是说，你可以有一超大杯的小杯。
拿铁咖啡是由三分之一浓缩咖啡和三分之二的牛奶，再加一层泡沫或奶油组成。
拿铁咖啡也叫做牛奶咖啡，但实际上它应该被称为咖啡牛奶。据说，奶牛都在罢
工，要求更改名称。但星巴克发言人说，是叫牛奶咖啡，还是叫咖啡牛奶，要取
决於哪种原材料更贵。
现在你知道了不同大小杯的叫法，也知道了各种咖啡的名字，那你可不可以把它
们合在一起说“高杯卡布奇诺”，或“超大杯拿铁”？好了，你通过了咖啡101。
咖啡102是高级课程，它会教你怎么能把标準咖啡调为个性化的，高性能的饮料。
对於那些在“挨踢”(IT)领域的，把这项技术称为性能优化。对於其馀的我们正常
的人，这就像是将您的家庭轿车调成一苔毒特的赛车一样神奇。
首先，有三个标准参数，你可以调整。
第一个参数是咖啡的强度。你可以用加浓缩的份额来调整咖啡的强度。你只需要
的是要记住这首儿歌就好了：
浓缩一份儿
能挺一会儿
浓缩一大勺
晚上睡不着
在前面的例子中，那位男士要的是双份浓缩，那位女士要了四份浓缩，但她要把
它一分为二，其中两份要有咖啡因的，另外两份要是没咖啡因的，不嫌烦啊？
第二个参数是咖啡的口味。这里面选择就多了：焦糖，肉桂，树莓，不一而足。
第三个参数是牛奶的类型。默认值是百分之二。但你可以全脂，无脂，百分之一 ，
豆奶，等等。
在前面的例子中，那位男士要的是无脂牛奶，那位女士想要一半是无脂的，一半
是百分之一的牛奶，看来女人就是罗嗦。
除了这三个标准参数意外，还有一些隐藏参数。这些参数是给那些高手们用的。
如果你是爱好和平，你可以让星巴克放下鞭子(no whip)，这样他们就不会抽打
可怜的奶油了。
如果你是在赶时间，想把咖啡拿到车里或回到办公室喝，你怎么说？“带走”？
没错，但您那说的是英语，可以在麦当劳用。在星巴克，你得说：“带腿儿”
(with legs)。他们会在你的杯子上安上腿儿，让它会跟你一起走。
好啦，我不想再用技术细节烦你们了。我自己被学校教育折磨多年，啥也没学到，
所以我坚信寓教于乐。为此我写了一段赖皮(Rap)，把点咖啡的整个过程从头到尾
描述一番，你们把歌学会了，知识也就学到了。
到了星巴克
来把咖啡点
站在柜台旁
欲点却无言
菜单菜单在墙上
那种咖啡最最棒
最棒咖啡是牛奶
拿铁咖啡杯中装
不要加草莓，不要加果酱
加了太多糖，只会帮倒忙
甜点让我昏昏然
想吃要等排灯亮(Diwali)
三份浓缩不能少
不到天黑睡不着
电话会议打呼噜
问题可就严重了
牛奶不能有脂肪
三围一点不能长
高也帅来矮也美
不能长成超大杯
名字写在杯子上
杯子放在盘中鞅
我的咖啡我的天
把它拿走休要想
我完成了订单
也结束了讲演
下次若去星巴克
你该知道怎么办
还有一件事，你听我讲完
点完咖啡后，你还要付钱
矮杯玛琪朵，高杯康保蓝
劝君多练习，相会咖啡店
下面是英文版。
How to order coffee at Starbucks
蒲必达
Good afternoon, Ladies and gentlemen, Starbucks customers, and potential
customers.
Now you see who I am, and how I talk, you may start wondering with
disbelief: " How can a foreigner who speak English as a second language
tell us how to order coffee at an AMERICAN store. Maybe he can tell me
how to order PEKING DUCK. "
I know you all speak English, but do you speak another language [a little
pause] called Starbuckish?
I started research on Starbuckish by accident.
I do not think coffee. Coffee is not my cup of tea.
But one year I received a Starbucks gift card from my boss. This made me
really worried. Did I fall asleep during work? and this is my severance
package?
My American friend told me, "no worries bro, we Americans have not
learned this subtle way of communications. Go ahead and have a free
taste of American culture".
So I went to Starbucks with CONFIDENCE, because I KNEW how to order
coffee. I Learned it in the English class.
So I said [with British accent]: "How do you do, Sir? May I have a cup
of coffee?"
Barrista: "Yes, what size?"
Me: "small".
Barrista: "We do not have small.
Me: "Then give me large."
Barrista: "We don't have large either".
Me: "What do you have?"
Barrista: "This teeny tiny cup is short, and this one is tall.
If you ask for small, we give you tall".
Me: "You mean if I pay for the small, you upgrade me to the large?"
Barrista: "No, not at all. Our large is grande."
Me: "Now I got it. The g-r-a-n-d-e is the real large?"
Barrista: "No, the real large is veinte."
Me: "What is that?"
Barrista: "Veinte is twenty, and twenty is veinte. You understanDE?"
"Now tell me what coffee you want".
Me: "I want the-thing-in-the-cup."
Barrista: "Oh, We don't have that. All our coffees have names ending with
vowels: we have espresso, macciato, americano, cappuccino.
Look at the menu, and tell me what do you want?"
After staring at the menu for a long time, I replied: "What is the
difference?".
Barrista: "The difference, my friend, is as big as the line built up
behind you. From my experience, People anxiously waiting for coffee
can cause great harm to whoever on their way. For your personal safety,
why don't you let me take care of the people who know what they want."
I was HONORABLY discharged from the line. But this gave me an opportunity
to observe how other people make their order:
A man said:
"Give me a Tall - Double Decaf - non-fat - extra-dry - cappuccino"
A woman said:
"May I have a Grande - quad split - half skinny - half one percent -
no whip - cafe latte"
This was way too cool. I badly wanted to learn it. I went back to school,
took Coffee 101, and coffee 102, and its pre-requisite Italiano. Then
I come back to Starbucks and completed Practical Training.
Today I am going to give you a crash course on how to order coffee.
First you need to learn different drinks.
The basic coffee is Cafe Espresso, which is Pressed Coffee in English.
The name comes from the process how the coffee was made:
You PRESS a button, you get the coffee.
The first record of espresso appeared in the book of John, chapter 1,
verse 1:
In the beginning was Espresso,
and Espresso was with coffee,
and Espresso was coffee.
through Espresso all coffee was made,
without Espresso no coffee was made that has been made
A few lines down, John predicted:
There will be a company started from Seattle,
and its name should be called Starbucks,
it came as a witness to testify concerning coffee,
so that through it all men may drink
Well said, except I have something to add.
If I add hot water to Espresso, I get diluted coffee. But you don't
see it in the Starbucks menu, the marketing department changed it to
Cafe Americano.
Shakespeare once said: Coffee by any other name would smell sweeter.
But Starbucks has figured out the details:
coffee with names ending with o, people will go.
coffee with names ending with a, people will pay.
Cappuccino is another popular coffee. A standard cappuccino is made of
equal parts of coffee, milk, and foam. But you can have a wet cappuccino
which has more milk, and a dry cappuccino which has more foam. But
I can assure you, you can still drink a dry cappuccino from the cup,
you do not have to use chopsticks.
Cappuccino in Italian means "cup small" or "small cup". But at Starbucks,
you can have a grande cappuccino, which means you can have a large cup
of small cup.
Cafe latter is made of one third of espresso, and two thirds of milk,
with a layer of foam or cream. It is called coffee with milk, but
it should really be called milk with coffee. Last time I heard it, the
cows are on strike to demand a name change. but Starbucks told me that
it really depends on the price ratio.
Now you know the cups, and you know the coffee, can you put them together,
and say "a tall cappuccino", or "a grande cafe latte"? Great job. Now
you passed coffee 101.
Coffee 102 covers the advanced technique to tune a standard coffee to
a personalized, high performing drink. For those in IT field, it is
called performance tuning. For the rest of us normal people, it is like
converting your family sedan to a unique, racing car.
Having been bored at school for many years, I am a strong believer
of mixing entertainment with education. So I wrote a rap to teach
this class. But I think it will be more educational to leave the rap
performance to the class as as a homework assignment. I will read it
as a poem, with a little flavor of rap. According to Starbucks naming
convention, it should be called "poema macciato". Please pay attention
to details. They will be in final exam:
I went to Starbucks all the way,
On a mission to order coffee
I reached the counter
But I don't know what to say
Menu menu on the wall
which is the best coffee of all
Our best offer is from the cow
Cafe Latte in the cup of tall
Don't put sugar if you may
I want to work, not to play
Give me triple shots espresso
I don't want sleep all the day
Make the milk skinny
I care how much I weigh
I can be short, or I can be tall
I don't want to be grande
Put my name on cup
Do as I say
I don't want anyone
to take my cup away
This is what I ordered, just to recall
A tall - triple skinny - no whip - Cafe Latte - for Michael
This is what you have to tell
to order coffee as a professional
This completed my order
and my speech for today
When you go to Starbucks
I hope you know what to convey
Until next time, until another day
Adios, Goodbye, Zaijian, Namaste
Mr Toastmaster, before I go
I have to pay.
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狗仔卡
发表于 2013-7-13 15:10:16
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发表于 2013-7-13 15:16:02
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